new phase of my life

weird weird de

2007-06-03T13:59:00.000+08:00

haha. 1 more to do list to update. i wanna gain weight till 75kg. KNN i sit mrt beside all the guys i realise i damn small size la. = (

In the past nat will still say, wa brother i didn't realise u so big size. now i sit wif her i think we same size la. hhahaha..

well have to eat more, sleep more and TRAIN more liao. hahaha

Weird weird de feeling leh. in state of confusion. hai, dono why oso, things changes so fast something like a blink of an eye. frens changes, habits changes, thinking changes, feeling changes, word changes, attitude changes, things around me change. It's a changing world i guess. humans are so adaptable that we can adapt to changes around us fast. and i mean FAST.

i changed too. ta's wat my bros tell me. well i hope it's for the better. i HOPE la. haha.

FAN FAN FAN
CONFUSE CONFUSE CONFUSE
LUAN LUAN LUAN

anyhow onli

2007-05-30T11:41:00.000+08:00

i'll be going away. haha to some kawlong thingy. haha. don even know how to spell. Wif my da lao po bro and aunty and uncle. haha. hope it would be fun.

As usual, mom nag the whole nite worrying. she forgot her sons are already 20 & 22. but we are still babies to our mother. haha.when i'm back, i'll start my to do list. haha.

i hope i could understand how u feel, but my bad, i couldn't. but i promise things will stop. thinking will stop. tests are near, study hard and well ppl! JIA YOU! = )

why thing turns out tis way

2007-05-30T00:44:00.000+08:00

Live life wif no regrets. tis is wat i always tell others. becoz my life is full of regrets. i can't change them but i'm trying to accept them. If u wanna screw things up, screw it up nicely. It's true u know, enjoy the process of screwing things. since it's already screwed. haha. Today i met tis guy, a guy ta shock my life. he said the same things like me, "ALL EYES ON ME PLEASE". he's me role modern man. seriously, his crowd control damn good la. even wif small kids. He said it wif power and u can sense it, all eyes were really on him. i wonder did i had that power during sportcamp everytime i said that.

Recap of Sportcamp 1st-4th

1st
Well i went in as a shy freshies. so low profile so dumb looking guys. all the OPEN CLOSE game, BANG BANG BANG & HOW MANY MEI MEI JUMP OVER THE WALL, i'm the slowest to guess it rite. haha. no talent. Was onli hyper during camp fire nite. By then i already knew mud. He and Hadi same OBS course as me. they were in the camp too. Mud of course was well known. haha. he's really funny. Enjoyed my camp fire, den came the last day. before everyone goes we sat down and DEBIFY.! the most touching debify i ever had. everyone cried. serious, all becoz tis guy nickname 'MEE POK' he started tearing. OMG our bond so close ta time. haha. Den i form happy square. 3 beauty and 1 beast. haha. I was name HEHEHEHE, Vicole LALALALA, Fanny HAHAHAHA & Amily HOHOHOHO. Miss them lots man.

2nd
Became a GL. remember 1st day of training i offended mi mi yan liao. i asked him can he be poilte to at least look at us and talk. haha. he was threw water on me la. KNN kanna. haha. we were grp 6 den i and esther ask him go middle shout GRP 6 6 SEX SEX SEX, haha den say will join him. he was doubtful of wat we said and did it. haha. we really left him alone to shout la. so funny. GL was tough, preparing things remembering names. haha. i didn't remember any coz i was bad wif names. My grp know la, my spell really cannot make it. haha. GL camp go town run ard i DAMN PS la. SHY LIKE SHIT, they still tot i act onli, haha. My grp gals so enthu i can't spoil them mood so i played along lo. didn't care if i see my fren la. haha. throw face jiu throw lo. haha. Anyway had fun can liao rite. haha. so funny la, hydrus became joke of the day. Den went to wen for confident walk and all. Came back sch was praise to be a gd joker. haha. Coz i always act like WAN REN FU coz my stupid hair. haha. Actual camp was sad coz 1st day half my grp ppl book out coz of FOC ppl coming there to ask them book out. i damn FUCK UP. haha. ALL the GLs cried. But we joined ourselves and put up a nice camp and ending. haha.

3rd
going back as a helper. was jealous wif the GLs because they had a wonderful freshies. haha coz FOC was after Sportcamp. haha. Going around disturbing ppl. leading ppl to place and i had fun. haha. cover them asking them listen to me onli, asking them who the like or dislike in the grp. haha PURE FUN la. haha.

4th
my very LAST sport camp as a NP students. haha. 1st day went in all tot i freshies coz i wear all black. DUMB dono how to read ar, Ngee Ann Canoing Team. haha. end up all bring me to Misha. haha, took me the 2nd day to call it rite. YUP everyone knows my english suck by then. But i was proud coz i got B3 for english. haha. den i walked ard actually not to see freshies but to see GLs. see got familiar faces anot. not bad la got some i know. haha. then got alot know me but i forgot them. = x sry ar old man liao forgetful. haha. was abit we didn't get to go KALLANG to try dragonboat, tis year they so shuang la. haha. go there. well 1st was to prepare item for camp fire, end up all go swim den too tired. haha. but we old bird, last min learn oso very nice. ahha. BUt i already forgot how to dance unless 1 can lead me. = x Oh i forgot, last yr sportcamp the maze i oso got help to think de. haha. tis yr i change abit and it went well. i heard alot ppl kanna scare. haha. COOL rite. i shld go open GHOST HSE LIAO. haha. tis yr last year liao cannot hold back anymore, was glad jia zhi became a CC. last yr can tell me wanna get involve more. haha. U got nothing to learn from me la JIA ZHI, i oso anyhow lead de. coz my MOTOR IS IF I SCREW THINGS UP I MAKE SURE I SCREW THEM UP NICELY. haha. Last day kanna rap, suddenly miss my video when i was a GL. last day i oso kanna rape and i mean RAPE BIG TIME oki, not frm the side but the middle oki. haha. don wanna explain any furture u all can imagine the pain la. haha.

Every year i joined i go in wif r/s problem, 1st&2nd xiao zhu, 3rd yun and 4th Yi. they helps me to onli remember thing i shld remember and everytime a camp ends something was learned and realised. think so much oso like ta, don think oso like ta. so don think better. haha. life will be happier. it's true. ANYWAY i LOVE SPORTCAMP. haha.

Silly me, Silly u

2007-05-29T02:18:00.000+08:00

Still not sleeping for me i guess.
TIME: 2.20am

Anyway, i've not been going out lately. why? Becoz i keep going to different house to play MAHJONG.! i wonder who is the smart one who invented this game. haha, been losting and winning too. But if i were to calculate, i'm still losing quite abit. haha.

Oki 1st thing 1st, i play is not becoz i'm addicted to gambling. My bros knows i used to hate it alot even thou i still play. I played is becoz it's really fun. But, i still didn't manage to master the beauty of tis game. GUARDING!!! haha. trying to learn, maybe ta's why i'm losing. haha. well i might be slow be no choice. haha. don worry, i'll onli get addicted to gamble if GOD destory all the sports and games in the world. haha. Been coming home at 9 10 plus in the morning. i guess my mom miss me alot, always tried to talk to me. haha. i miss her too.

Tis whole month i'm so into myself. doing thing my way, doing thing i like, i forgot someone, someone whom muz not be forgotten. that is GOD. Well, when was the last time i mention him, all i remember, it's not tis week. Hai, there's still so many things i wanna do, coaching license, bike TP, fittness, movies, gathering and so many so many. well i'm not managing my time well. so many last min programmes.

But i think comes june i pack myself wif lots of thing before i serve my country.

1st Malaysia wif Da lao po and aunty wendy
2nd I'll go sign up for coaching
3rd Malaysia again, CHURCH CAMP ( i miss camps )
4th Bike TP
5th NP graudation cum DND
6th NS preparation
7th gathering wif all my bros, frens and love ones
8th going to see xin xin ( i hope so )

so many things but only 1 me. Went to watch -=NEXT=- Cage could turn into so many ppl la. everyone in the show were like WA!!!! hahaha. so funny. he's still 1 of my favourite actor. can onli act nice guy. haha. i onli remember tis saying.
LIFE SHOULD BE FULL OF SURPRISES
well indeed, if u can see ur future, wat's the point of living den. we get happy, sad, hurt and crazy as time goes by. ta makes our living worth while and contented.

Xiong still knows me well. if u r reading, YA la got someone la. haha. but i dono how to explain to u. haha. meet up liao den tell u again. but u got bf liao, abit difficult. haha.

Past few days, msg was weird. A weird feeling, u can sense it by reading urself. maybe i keep stressing the word LIKE. Why things have to happen tis way. i mean why we humans have to react like ta when somethings are said. I already confessed. if u really wanna think, jus think do u have feelings for me, yes, den stop thinking, let me be nice to u, to know u better. if no, den stop thinking still. treat me as a fren. = ) i dono need ur feelings in return. i wouldn't fall deeper for u becoz no point. oki? END OF DAY, jus STOP THINKING and DON APOLOGISE.

can't be together, is it so hard to be frens again? this is wat everyone says. but i always don agree, becoz i always fren fren back wif the ones i love. haha. As long as i know they are happy, i'm happy. same goes for u. knowing things turn out like ta for u, it makes it hard for me to face u. jus wanna know u r happy. Seeing u happy makes me happier. = ) tis saying is not to act wei da or wat but i find it true and seriously i felt ta way. Let nature take it course wouldn't it be better? Time will tell. time not onli heals, it makes wonders and it proves everything, be it truth or fake. i dono where my courage come from but i jus don wanna hide my feelings anymore.

like jiu like, don like jiu don like. IZ saying ( haha IZ = MAN ) well i'm tired, very tired. but still have to train my fittness and all. been playing bball, haha, i'm loving it still! haha. take care hor u. keep smiling la. BIG BIG DE SMILE = )

wat am i thinking

2007-05-23T02:49:00.000+08:00

Well, jus had my supper.

Suppose to watch princeless today but went i got there i miss the timing. hai didn't get the chance to watch. IZ and I called Nat, Ming, Bird, Yi, Alwin and B for steamboat dinner. Kai was mad at me becoz i didn't tp his reply. my bad and i'm sorry. He was kind. he forgive me liao. haha.

After dinner we walked to nat and B's office to use their toilet. haha. so lame rite. it was near their office anyway and it was cleaner. haha. Took cab to Kai's place for Mahjong again. Been playing lately. not bad been winning but yet to win back wat i lost. didn't feel good since sunday. i dono why oso. Kai's know me well, IZ too. they read my mind and heart. luckily i did talk to them.

Hai, wat am i thinking lately. wat do i really want. Kai say it's simple, u want it u go for it, if not jus give up. i oso dono wat i'm scare for. falling again? haha it's already been broken so many times why now? is not i'll feel hurt is i'm scare of hurting others. Well let nature takes its course. wat is meant to be it was meant to be. i'm feeling better now. Ride kai's bike was good. had fun too. thanks man even tho u didn't really want to lend me the bike.

tired life

2007-05-20T13:38:00.000+08:00

I'm tired, so tired ta now my days jus like ta.

life before,

waking up at 7
prepare myself for work
dad fetch mom and i to work
work and waited for lunch time
end lunch
after 2 start praying time pass faster
after 3 feel sleepy
after 4 motive myself saying an hour half more to go
after 530 time pass like there's lots of tomorrow
Back home play game
before 1 sleep

next day the same things goes over and over again. = life hai. hhahahaha

life now,

wake up abt 10 plus morning
slack on bed
play game
sleep again
play game
go out end whoever is meeting me
reach home is already 5 plus in the morning

life now, not fixed, onli ate 1 meal a day. hahaha.

i missed sch life. i missed break time. and i can't believe wat i'm going to say, i missed exams.! and i mean i missed it alot!

women of my life

2007-05-13T23:11:00.000+08:00

Mother's Day = Women of mylife!!!

Well well well, Happy Mother's Day!

women of my life plays an important role in my life. haha. they are the ones who showed me care and love in my life. they are,

My grandma (Da lao Po) and MOM (Xiao Lao Po)
haha, i love them both. I'll onli put my gf as the 3rd most love women in my life coz the 1st and 2ns place already taken up. haha. We went thro alot together, cried together, eat together, worked together and we talked our hearts out together. they are not jus my grandma and mom but they were my frens, my closest fren. i tell almost everything to them making sure they know wat's happening in my life. haha. they provide love care and MONEY for me.. Wahahaha.

Aunties
My aunties all took care of me when i was young. i was like a prince and everyone have to make me happy at ta time. haha. u all know i love u. = )

MAMA & jie jie
Mama ( my nanny) and jie jie. haha. watch me grow up since young. now jie jie got 3 beautiful daughters. haha. i'm their god brother le. haha. thanks for the love shower upon me. hahaha.

Siti & shahira
They were my best buddy in sec sch, 4 yrs same class. i miss them. we always had fun in class together. we laff we joke we play we get jealous we fought we quarrel too. haha. i miss them and i love them too! haha.

Phyo & Winnie
We got close coz of clara. when i was wif her, u guys was there to solve our pro if we ever quarrel. then now we go out eat talk andd laff too! haha. Once again thanks for the bday surprise. haha. Love u guys too!

Nat & B
haha. Bitches they are. i love the even more. We insult one another, push one another, hit and punch one another. so fun to see them in pain la. wahahaha. now no more liao. = ( B turning 21 lao liao can't handle anymore. WAHAHA. nat, she hits like a pussy now. haha. but poly life wifout u both, esp nat, i think i dono repeat how many modules la. haha. miss stduying session wif u la. u bitch la. haha.

My class gals
haha. thanks for making my poly wif so many celebrations. haha. i miss all the insult and LOUD LAUGDTHER produce by u ppl. haha. BTW my class well known for loud laffing. but always i kanna. coz i class rep. hai. haha. but it was fun.. hahaha. stay cheerful gals.

All my exs
Well, ppl who knows me well, i still care for them. thanks for the love and care. hope u all are doing well. well hearing everyone is doing better off wifout me, i felt kinda happy for them. Ppl always say, if u love her, let her go. haha. i guess i really loved them before. To JY, sorry it's just ta something was missing in our relationship. u tried so hard to make me love u but i didn't. i pray and hope someone better out there knows how to deserve u better.

Well, the above are those who showed me care and love so much. and they are and were the women of my life...! Happy Mother's Day!! hahaha. if u r not a mother still, still i wish u all HAppY Mother'S Day!! hhahaha.

Bros, when Father's Day come, i'll wish u all de. haha. my life is not onli have gals. my Gays play important roles too! hahaha.

200 pund beauty

2007-05-09T01:08:00.000+08:00

Wao.... time pass really fast when i'm slacking. haha. i guess it wouldn't last long so i have to find myself a very part time job. haha. my fren say go MIAO SIAO. haha. lame but funny. haha.

Today i went running in the afternoon. was it running or jogging. haha. i can't tell. all i know is my stamina really suck. after 6 rounds (2.4km) i'm like out of breath. Anyway, i came home feeling weird on my knee. didn't realise it was painful until i started doing some housework. haha. HOUSEWORK!!! helping my mom yo keep the house clean. it was went i dou down went i heard a 'crack' sound. and i was like OUCH!! haha. Bad knee now, it's uncomfortable but i'm trying hard not to think abt it. if i keep thinking, i'm surely going to do something to my own knee. haha. Just got recovered from a bad stomach ach, fever plus headach. now injure knee. once a person bad luck is all the way de i guess. haha. Anyway, my mom loves me so much, haha i mean my xiao lao po, coz i did housework for her. haha. sweep the WHOLE house up and down, I used to sweep my old house floor too, which is much bigger than here. haha. those who knows me long enough they know what i meant. When i was young i used to play penalty shootout at the hall. haha. I miss my old hse. Bros keep asking wen i moving, u guys know i dono how to ans ta qns de, still ask. hahaa. i always reply soon soon soon. i belong to the WEST, WEST of singapore. haha. i'm a JURONG KID..! WESTSIDE STORY. haha. MOM's fav 5566 show. LOL.

Been watching movies lately, with who? me, myself, cnsr, Clemence, Sheng Rong and Mr Ng. haha. Spiderman 3 was good, lots of fighting parts touching too.! too many died. Fracture was Great and beyond 2 thumbs up. 200 pound beauty, like the title, the show was a BEAUTY.! haha. i watched twice in the cinema which twice i almost cried during the last part. the fact is i jus got hm frm the show. haha. watched fracture twice too! haha.

If my class gals go watch, they maybe can understand why i always so direct to them and so call 'insult' them. U guys have to know tis, at 1st they think they are fat and ugly and when i say them, they will get affected by. haha. Coz i say them fat la, tis la ta la. Now, i say them, they don even feel a thing and they even joke abt it. Ta's the confidences they have. ahaha. I love my class gals, they the BEST!! all the aunties in my class. i think the miss calling me names. haha. Yup self confident is all ta matters. Coz you life for urself and not for others. why live in others shadow when others wanna be like you (if u've got the confident) = ) To Gals who thinks ta they are fat!! so wat u r fat? u will still be loved!! = ) i'm sure GOD is very fair, and tent to give ppl more good points than bad rite? hahaha.

Tml canoe training, it's been long but need to go back train wif them abit. haha.

Yawn!!!! nite = )

Happy Birthday Alex Lee

2007-05-04T00:55:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday to Lee, Happy Birthday to Lee, Happy Birthday to Lee Eeeee~~~~.. HappY BiRthDay to YOU!!!!

Bro ah bro, tis ur bday without you all were like quite quite sia.

Friday, people at Lau Chin Huat celebrated early for me. that was my first cake cut.

Den i meet up with my beloved TA23, for class gathering cum my bday celebration! How cool, tis time all wearing their working attire, we so look like working adults la. hahaha. They treated me to seafood dinner somewhere at boat query, and WAO it's cost so much..! Thanks class.! Then we (abbey, nat, jin, ben, deny & me) walked to clark query for some drinks. Went crazy elephant to listen to live band. And that abbey face so funny la, she was so irritated by the nosie. haha. So we decided to change place and walk to China 1, was to packed so we went else where. walked but still couldn't find a place so i suggested movie. haha. it was abt 1215. haha. den only me, jin, B, Nat went to cine for 'Fracture'. think i spell it correctly. haha. B fell aslp during tis very nice movie la. guess she was tired. got home at 4 plus.

I woke up at 745 to rush down for work. haha damn sleepy. Somemore sat i went to seffix to do audit. it's at katong there. so damn far la. hahaha. after audit i went down to meet my loves, my grandma, my mom. my godma & my bro. had a wonder lunch and coffee. haha. then Bro accompanied till i went to meet up with Phyo and Winnie. I was damn surprise la. they took me to seatosa and they went to fetch Kai and Yi alone. hahaha. we played we ate and I drive. hahha. everyone were like screaming la. haha. so funny. think phyo wun let me drive her car again. haha. wait, u all wait. i'll go take up driving after i get my bike. hahaha.

den i msg SAF, she felt guilty tis n ta, made me guilty oso la. ta i made her guilty. haha. anyway thanks.! thanks everyone for wishing me. But tis yr i didn't receive msg from u sia. Bro u knn de la. only msg ur gal fren brother don wan liao meh.? haha.

Woke up early again and my dad took the family for breakfast. it was like since so long ago we did ta la. haha. that was wat my dad said. Went all the way back to jurong. haha. den dad drove me and bro to seatosa to meet up with kai and gang. We went seatosa AGAIN!!! haha. played at the beach talk cock gather gather. so fun so enjoyable. haha. i missed such days. den we wen t to vivo BK for dinner. actually Kai wanted to eat something more, but some of them can't afford so Fast Food is best for everyone. haha. My brother damn gd la tis yr. Accompanied me thro out and even bought a cake for me la. Dono y i felt damn touched la. sounds gay but i love my brother and my bros. haha. den we went to cine to watch 200 pound beauty. So damn nice the show, some part almost cried coz the lead kept crying till she affects me. haha. it was funny too! 1 charater acting in the old folk home looked like zhen yi la. haha all of us were laffing abt it. after show i went home and really SLEEP! haha. was so tired.

Den came monday, i met up with my ex gls ppl. they were damn fun la. haha. we even had cold jokes competition la. haha. but seriously, esther was the joke. = x hahaha. they oso bought a cake for me, DURIAN somemore. haha. so nice. den we went clark query 'The Clinic' for some drink and edmund's drink was strong and he was like abit gone gone like ta. haha so funny la. we talked abt the dnd and we finally decided wat to wear ta day and all. haha. my dates, so many so many. ahaha. den edmund got hunry and we all wen to Mac for some bites and we started our jokes and decision again. haha. so funny. Den garrett sent me, edmund and andrea home.

Reached home at 5 if i'm not wrong and i was awake by my mom at abt 10am in the morning. haha. Had to accompanied my love for breakfast. haha. it was tiring but i had fun. if alex were we us, i bet the fun would be better.

Bro i hope ur bday celebration would be as fun. Happy bday! later gathering again, i go find u! haha. mean while take care Bro. Nat give u new number rite. wat 3245. haha. hope sat will open. hahaha..!

To her....
Thanks for all the presents and love u showed me, but i'm really sorry i can't love u back. u know i'll still care for you so i really hope u to take great care of urself. You might hate me for my decision but i don wanna drag till one day things got worse.

Life is all abt moving on, and it's hard to move on without the things and ones u loved. it might be sweet or even painful to look back, but time will heals everything and thing would be different when u look forward. ppl say it will hard hard for a couple to become frens after they broke off, guess wat i'm still their fren. I hope to see u smile again the next time i see you.! = )

Lastly i love everyone i know....................................

6 months ta u r gone

2007-04-19T00:19:00.000+08:00

Well well well, i passed my lesson 6 & 7 in less than a week. i can't believe that's so fast and i already book my lesson 8 on this coming sunday. But the TP, lastest is on 24 May, which is like a month. WAT SIA!!! haha. Still have to extent the damn booket. haha. Nvm la, who ask me to be so slow. haha. Saw 4 movies already and well all not bad i can say. Like my gay say, maybe alex passed some some of his hum-ness to us. haha. I watch the reaping, sunhine, and the hitcher all these 3 movie all i so hum la. haha. Abit abit scare. haha.

Date: 19 April 2007

6 months back i still hear your voice over my HP, it's been 6 months since i last heard from you bro. How have u been?? You know all of us missed you still. You are so great to be forgotten. Suddenly thought back about the times we had together, all the gathering and the nonsense we shared. They are so funny and no one till now can beat you with stupid joke, word, pharse or even sentence. Well, hope you are doing real fine.

Long Long ago

2007-04-10T08:01:00.000+08:00

When i was 13, i met tis handsome guy who act like a gangster, his name .... my gay.
Then we became best of friends and he was my secondary best friend till now, he became my bro. Then he bought me into his circle of friends and i met him. He was short handsome too but he was Fast and Funny. Then we played, trained, gambled and drink together. We became best of friends too. Then we became Bros. Without fail, everytime when i get drank, he was the 1 whom got drank with me. Usually he would be the first to go down. I remember 2 years back, on Christmas eve after my work, we drank alot alot at my work place. My group of bros decided to go watch 'King Kong' but end up watching '2 drank men on Christmas eve' The moment we alight the cab, i puked and so was he, puking just beside me. i remembered i was laughing asking him, 'Ni oki Ma???'. he jus replied 'Wo Ke Yi de' and immedately he puked again. that was so funny la. Both of us lied outside cine for like 2 hours and i was told that many other friends came by and saw us. I missed him, we all do. How are u bro??? = )

It's been very very very long since i last blog. Life was the same, but not the same without him.
Jus finished my sport camp07/08. Well, it was my 'last year' as a np student so i treasure it more than anyone did. I almost cried during the camp fire coz Mede was tearing when he hear this very touching song. it was my 4th sport camp. And i realise Sport camp is always the camp that made me happy whenever i'm feeling low. This year, all the freshies were laughing at my English. hahaha. Mi sha took me 1 min to pronouns it correctly. How lousy can i be. haha. Till now not many people believe that i got B3 for English. haha.

I'm abit tired of working now, cause there's no push in life, i'm working so hard here and some people need not have to work and they got good life. If i really have a wish, i would wish that i was a spoil child. Well, now i'm thinking of applying for MOE, hope things can turn out well.

To her, how have u been, we had many misunderstand but i still think u need time. this is what i felt, i felt that i am the one u really need cause ur pillar is back from china. Even if u needed me, i'm sorry i could not be there because both of us are having the same pro. you should know how i felt cause i only talked to u abt my bros. And u told me about his reply about me always not meeting them. I felt really loss. if u were to ask me to be there for u for other things, it's a NO PRO be there ASAP, but i know if i were to be there for u, it's about him, actually till now i'm still abit not believing that all this are happening. Hope u r doing fine, guess u r. Rest well and stay cheerful. i'm sure many people around u are missing the old u. = )

Merry christmas.

2006-12-26T20:15:00.000+08:00

Merry christmas this year was kinda missing. The atmosphere wasn't there at all. When out on christmas eve to celebrate like what we do every year but this year it felt so normal, there wasn't a sign of happiness in our group as far as i can sense. All of us looked happy but we all just missed him so much. I don't call to call him anymore for him to reject my call cause he's busy with his aurthor boys "job". I didn't got drunk like last year, cause i realise no one can accompany me to do so then him. His smile, his laughter. i know my sis is trying so hard to get over it, but it's just so hard for her, for everyone. We miss you bro.! You know we do.

Well, since Christmas is a time so hope, happiness and thanks giving. We should be at least happy right? God came down just to save us, and alex believe so just like i did. So it's a time to REALLY REALLY thank God for everything he had done for me and everyone around me. He does things with his reason and it's so complicated for us to understand. all we have to do is just BELIEVE.>!

Well guys, Merry Christmas And A happy NEW YEAR!!! Cheers and Have FUN!! ALOTS OF IT!!!!

Thanks Bi~~ for your present and all the things you've done for me. Merry christmas sweet..

3rd DEC 2006

2006-12-03T11:58:00.000+08:00

It's been quite awhile since i last blog.

Works now is so terrible, but well everyone keep telling just bare with it. haha. i guess i have no choice but to bare with it right. haha. maybe i can become a politician or what so ever la. haha.

Jus got back from Standard Charter Run. So damn cool and, and i manage to finished the race with a timing of 54 mins. haha. the feeling it's just so incredible. haha. did i spell right?? haha. When i see everyone finished the race they were all smiling and the sense of accomplishing the race is like so proud of themselves. i felt proud too. haha. Life is like a race, i don't when my race will end but i know when my race is finished i'll be smiling and telling i had a great race.

I've got my family, bros, sis, "best friend" and friends to cheer my life on and i believe they are the ones who make my race worthwhile. Thanks everyone..!

I hope the next post would be introducing this person who care for me so much.... = )

love again, again & again

2006-11-12T23:18:00.000+08:00

Suddenly i realise alot people have a wrong preception on me.

I usually hear or make people think that Clemence is.......

A clubber
A hongster
A gangster
A person who smoke
A person who knows alot of girls
A person who knows how to tackle girls

A person who know alot of nice places to chiong

Etc........

But guys, you are wrong. All of you. I don't really club that often, my last time was abt 6 or months back. I'm not a hongster, it's my way of communication. i do talk to guys too and all my brothers are all GUYS! It just happened that i'm always caught at the place the where i'm the only guy with many girls. And of course i'm not a gangster. If i were, my father and brother will KILL me, and those who knows me really well like my brothers, they know i hate to join gang. Maybe because i have friends that are gangster and happens that you guys saw me with them. I mean they are a group of people fun to hang out with sometimes but i don't join the gang. I don't smoke cause i mself hate the smell. So why smoke.? I know many girls, ya. I have 16 girls in my current class and i'm the only guy (classA03). Previvous class the population of the guys is only 5 out of 15 (class A23). And i got to know their friends whom are all girls too. If you were to ask me where are the places to chiong which is good i can tell you, but that doesn't i've been there before. I heard about these places from all my friends who goes clubbing or chill. I'm not interesting but my life can be really boring. Maybe some people whom don't really know me that well might think i'm a good boyfriend, think again. I'm not. I always tell people i'm not that good but they kept asking me don't shy or act humble. But if i'm that great, why do all the one i loved left me? I've always made the ones i loved cry. And i hate girls to cry. Why am i making myself to hate those i loved? maybe i still don't understand myself that well. So guys, most of the time when i say i'm stupid, i mean it. Or if i degrade myself it's true. How i wish it isn't but i jus can't change the facts right. Just like people say i'm ugly, i agree, but i never denied that i'm cute. haha..

I love you but i don need your love in return. By now you should know. I just want to make u happy. That's all. But i really hope i didn't irritate you cause that's also making your life difficult right?

To people i love

Kai

Alex

Ming

Bird

Tong

Mel

Van

Nat

Aung

Foo

Phyo

Winnie

and you

I never regret meeting you guys and thanks for walking with me in my life.

Keep smiling. Love you guys!!!

Alex-Bro forever

2006-11-09T23:32:00.000+08:00

So much had happened, so much had past.

All that is left are only memories, scars and misses.

Went was the last time he called me out for basketball and i rejected him, how he scold me fuck you on the phone and how he say he would ask me out for basketball anymore.

We lost a brother, a really close one, not best friend but brother. He left us early to the kingdom of GOD. Heard he didn't bear to leave but by GOD's will, he left before us. Do i hate GOD? No i don't, cause both Alex and I believe in him. He does things for a reason, GOOD people don't live long, cause GOD don't wan them to suffer so much on earth and He calls his faithful children back early to let them enjoy life in heaven. I hope I can see him in heaven too!

We all missed him, Nat miss him so much that everytime i see her talked about him, my heart ach so much. Kai, Ming, Aung, Bird, Z, Yi, Sam, Joe ( fat n skinny) , his sister and me, all of us miss his voice and laughter. Our laughter do not sound as happy as it was, but i believe time will heal all things. After this accident, our bond grew stronger and Aung told me this, it always when we lose this we then will treasure the things we have.

I regretted, i seriously did. I miss those basketball days, KFC after the game, chats and laughter, jokes shared, secrets shared and so many other things. I've been going for more ball games now, and you know what, basketball is still my favourite. Everytime i hold the ball, shoot the ball or even pass it, the game, the feeling is so so nice. Sorry bros, i don't when i'll move back but i seriously miss the place i once stayed.

I've already lost 1 brother, and i told you i don't want to lose anyone else, especially you. Haven't been messaging you, I missed you. Don't know whether you did receive my message the last time but i hope u did finish reading. I just want to tell you, I missed you alot. I'm not giving up still, just that i don't want to disturb your life.

Time passed really fast, it's been like 3 or 4 weeks since the accident, but everytime seems like yesterday. Hope all of us grow strong together and keeps him in us happily as we move on. NAT you see this, you know what i want to say oki. You should know.! = )

So yesterday, yesterday, yesterday......................................................

2006-10-27T00:11:00.000+08:00

the story of him and her
His perspire ran down the side of his face, his breath sounded heavy, his heart triumph when the final whistle blew.

It was her first time watching him from the sidelines, and the first time he saw a spectator that he wanted so much to be there.

She heard so much, too much about him in the court that she could not pass an opportunity to see it with her own eyes. He was one of a kind, but maybe because love was blind.

She sat there and watched his teammates and wonder, 鈥榟ow did she get involve in this circle of friends鈥? She was unlike them, her friends were unlike them, but yet she felt a sense of belonging, because she knew she had every reason to be there- to support him.

Sometimes she laughs at how they first met - A drunk and mischievous boy picked up the phone and blurted rubbish.

But it was all thanks to a friend, who helped strike the first match.

She didn鈥檛 think it was possible initially because nosy blunt tongues would wag at their incompatibility.

Moreover, she was not at a stage in time to seek for someone new.

It was only the first date where everything fell into place.

There was something comforting about him that makes laughing and smiling so easy. Something in the way he interpreted 鈥楴arnia鈥?that makes the movie more like a comedy than drama.

However, his heart only melted come the second date when she beat the red lights to get movie tickets as a surprise. He looked at her with mouth wide open and all he said was 鈥淗uh? You bought?鈥?br />The long walk at one in the morning up and down the quiet Orchard Road showed her how much she wanted this person to walk with her the rest for her journey. He was like a bottle of happiness to her; someone whom she felt will never make her sad.

Her heart was hesitant for a few days but when he popped the question, she could not resist not giving herself into his embrace. The first time he held her hands, his face lighted up when he said 鈥淔inally鈥?

That made her happy. It was a happy day as she spreads word around to her friends. Some reckon she jumped too fast into his ship, some wish her well. Whichever review she got, she knew that her friends would like him.

And she was not wrong. The first time her best friends met him and played with him, they had nothing but praises for his smiles and jokes. All she could say to herself was 鈥淔inally鈥?

They shared many moments together, whether in public, or behind closed doors. Mundane days turn special this way.

9 months passed like 9 years, and the day came when he had to leave.

She can only be satisfied knowing that she didn鈥檛 lose him to another woman, but to god. Someone whom she knew she can never over rule.

Someone whom she knew he would feel happier with. Sometimes she felt that it was unfair, many others in this world deserve to perish, yet the lord took the one she love. Many in this world torture others to live, yet the lord took the one who brought smiles to those around him.

There are many things that she wishes to ask him and god. Many questions that she knows will not be answered.

Yet, all she could do is trust him. Trust him like she always did. Trust that he knew what is best for him. Trust that he knows how to take care of his family. Trust that he knows what is best for his friends. Trust that he knows what is best for her.

Despite him being so far away from her, she continues to trust that someday he will tell her the reason why he had to go so soon. 鈥?Deep inside, she knew he would have a good reason.

Till that day come, she would love to tell her friends to treasure all those around them.

It has been 7 days since they last met and laughed. Nothing will replace him in her heart. But she knows that no matter how much she wants to cling on, she cannot cling on forever.

Time will heal all pain they say, but it will never erase the tattoo drawn with his heart.

HAZE HAZE HAZE

2006-10-16T22:39:00.000+08:00

TO ALL WHO IS READING THIS!!!!

DO DRINK LOTS OF WATER AND TAKE GREAT CARE OF YOURSELF GUYS!!!!

When my week passed just like a blink of an eye.

Monday & Wednesday - Training
Tuesday - Went to watch Rob-B-Hood
Thursday - Went to watch Singapore Slinger Basketball
Friday - Went for my bike revision
Saturday - Went dragonboat & work
Sunday - Went Bike test (PASSED) & PS (BOUGHT my new HP)

haha. yup, packed again. Met nat at SSDC, she was going for her FIRST driving lesson. hahaha. I PASSED.! So damn happy! haha. Oki now here's the problem, i everytime didn't study for my theory, now i still haven pass my theory. How stupid rite? Anyway, I'm going tomorrow and i think I'll be studying for it. hahaha. Just hope i pass..!!!

Did talked to nat awhile before meeting up with my mom to buy my NEW HP, and i told her i felt kind of lousy. She was right, maybe i really didn't make much effort for my friendship. But nat, you know something, I'm having DragonBoat training on tuesday, thursday and sunday starting from next week. Monday & Wednesday is canoe training. I guess you should understand why am i doing this. I'll make effort for my bros de.

Especially you kai, Hope you will grow strong, there's nothing we can say and that you will listen. I've been through those time, and remember those day how did you 'encourage me and so on'. End up it still depends on myself, so same goes for you. Even like now, i'm going through it again. I already made the same mistake twice, i hope you wouldn't follow me. All i can share with you is, really let nature take its course, let fate and GOD decide. For me, now i know that she is happier, i'm already felt contented. If she's mine, GOD & fate will bring her to me and things will sure work out. But if not, just hope that she's happy and ya, let her be. I believe you know so much better than any of us, so BE STRONG bro!

I realise all these while i have been doubting my love for you D, now you just wanna be friends, and all i can do is to do as you please, but after losing you, if anyone were to ask me again about my feelings towards you, there only 3 words i can say.......... I >3 U... take great care!!! = )

Dono wat to type

2006-10-08T12:05:00.000+08:00

Well, been a busy week this week.

Went training on monday and wednesday.
Tuesday went bike the whole night after work.
Thursday went to my aunty house for dinner instead of running.
Friday went KBox with Sharon, Serene and Angela
Saturaday after work, went for Shawn's brthday celebration and my A23 dinner gathering.
Today going for bike later then off to work at beacon.

Anyway, wondering went my ankle will really recover? Hai, it will start aching went i stand too long. Haze was bad for the last few days, and the PSI was 150 last night. People who has asthma try to stay at home and people...!!!!! DRINK MORE WATER.!

Apologies to......

NACC, sorry i didn't make it for the camp. I know many of u were kind of disappointed when i told you guys i'm couldn't make it. Really sorry because there were 2 birthday celebration and 1 class gathering that i have to attend. Hope you guys understand. Hope it was a success and you guys have fun. = )

Brother kai, stay strong man.! I've past my stage of letting go, hope things will turn out good instead, for you. No worries, i'l try to meet up with you guys soon, i haven't forget about our next KBox outing. hahaha.

People in A03, will meet up soon but not with a group of you. hehe. Because i'll feel weird and SHY if i one shot go out with like 16 girls. haha. So small groups ba if you guys can meet up.

To Ai Ling&Jasmine&Emily
You said you've got something for me, so i guess i have to meet up with you real soon. haha. but where shall we go? There's this new shppoing mall at Habour Front, heard it's huge. Want to go see see look look? haha. Message me and let me know oki?Especially Ai Ling!!!! = )

Truth hurts 2.10.06

2006-10-05T21:14:00.000+08:00

Been busy with training lately and get damn tired.

Hai, many of my friends said i looked small size now, and worse of all, the first thing they said was my right side of the hair go bore faster than my left side. Heart was crying like mad. But what to do right. Anyway, i joined the 10km for the standard charter thingy. Been training my running these few days, leg muscle ach like hell. hehe. Become kind of weak after not training for 3 weeks due to my injured ankle. it's recovering already even though it may hurt after sometime when jogging.

Finally got answer from you. Was glad to hear the truth even though the truth always hurt. However, it's better this way than i keep guessing right. It's not easy for us to be friend after a relationship, but no matter what we still 'know' each other right? So ya, friend. I still have lots to learn and if i really want to get you back, i think it wouldn't be easy. Like i say, it was fate that bought us together, and if we are meant to be, fate will bring us back together. = )

Yesterday i lost my handphone my uncle gave me. Hai, how careless can i get that i even forget to zip my bag. I'm damn sad but look at the bright side, only that phone fell out, my nano, wallet and another handphone did not fell out. Hai

Today i receive the news for my deferment for my NS. I thought i could defer and go australia to further my studies first before going to NS. And i always assume, mom called and they said i can't because if we want to defer NS for studies, it must be for POLY, A level or you are really smart with a scholarship. Was very excitied about the deferment and kept thinking about it. Well just hope by the time i finished my NS i can concentrate for my studies. I've already plan my road, and my grandma and supported me to go after my NS.

It might not be the best week i had, but great weeks awaits me ahead. Learning to see things on the brighter side, learning to take it lightly too. I'll prove to you that my feelings towards and for you are true. Hope time will tell.... = )

Sick & surprises

2006-09-28T22:18:00.000+08:00

Sick and injured, what more???

Was sick since tuesday night, and went to work on wednesday. Basically i was feeling very sick while working but manage to survive till 5.30pm. Went home straight, took medicine and went to sleep for awhile. Woke up and i felt better, after dinner shower and using the computer, the SICK feeling was back, so I took the medicine again and off i went to wonderland.

Manage to wake up today and went to work. Wanted to go work today because after work i'll be meeting my mom and her colleagues for our standard chartered 'training'. haha. Sounds cool right? Joining the 10km run with F&N's lawyers. haha. Even though i wasn't fully recovered and my ankle still hurts, the thinking of jogging and running just makes me so energatic. Finally i reached mom's office and it's like the 22nd floor. I thought the higher your office is the higher your position. This was the second time i went to mom's office. The first time still young so didn't really know what was mom doing, but today, i finally realise how capable my mom is and really inspire me to work as hard as her. Her desk was so filled with file and documents and tons of work. I want to be like her when i'm able to enter the work force, she's so cool. I love my mom!!!

Hai, but the jog was cancelled, because i kept coughing and my mom was worried and her colleagues (all lawyers) had a meeting with their boss. Well, one of them said next week. Well, by monday i believe my ankle should be fine so i meet Jun Sheng to train together too. He also joining the RUN but the joined the 20km one. hahaha. Still feeling sick, actually luckily didn't run, need rest le. nite nite to everyone. Please take care of yourself people and drink more water.

Thanks for letting me know you still care!!! Take care too!!! = )

misses are you

2006-09-26T20:46:00.000+08:00

Well came home early yesterday and today. Can u guys believe it, i managed to finished all my files and i even requested them to give me things to do. I don't know why Mr Yeo keep saying that tax is easy and we should only take 30mins to finish one company. I jus can't do it maybe because i'm just too curious at what i'm looking at. Chin Tai keep telling me 'Wa, you ask good questions' then will ask me to check this and that, usually the problems i faced, he would say 'You are the first attachment student to ask me this'. In my heart i'm like, 'WHAT?? am i that sway?' haha.

Finished my work = no work = filing = boring = slow time pass = restless.......

haha, because i fell asleep while doing filing. Had a bad sore throat today due to the k box, and maybe cause last nite i ate alot of heaty stuffs. hahaha. Ankle still not yet recover because when i was taking the train back, my ankle felt so uncomfortable. haha.

It's always easy to ask people to forget someone but it's so difficult to do it when it comes to us. Today i started wondering again, why do i feel sad when i think of her, that shouldn't be the case what. All along i thought went i think of her i should be happy? Then i started laughing at myself for being how dumb i was. But to think again, i can't control myself, i was sad because i know i lost her and i could have forever. Everyone can tell me how stupid i am, how i should move on or go find someone better, but that is not what i really want. You know what i want.

MY STAND STILL STANDS STRONG!!!!

Remember what i told you?

I'll learn to smile whenever i think of you, misses are all you!!!

3rd sunday le.

2006-09-24T20:47:00.000+08:00

Sunday is already ending. Basically i spent the whole day sleeping and slacking. And you all should know it suck especiallyfor me. When i rest i tent to think back the past and all and the feeling is .............. haha. You all sohld know la.

Anyway how can i sleep the whole day. Because i went swimming on thursday after work. Hai, my ankle hurt so much la. Hai, after swim can feel the slight pain, felt so uncomfortable la..! But i guess it's better now, cause today i climb the stairs it didn't felt as painful as the past few days.

Then i manage to force myself up from the bed and went to work on friday. Went off quite late but still reach on time. During work, my phone kept ringing but i can't pick up la. Because friday was kai's birthday and everyone is asking me to meet. haha. They miss me you know. The only one who stay so far from them, wonder went can i move back to jurong, i miss the smell of jurong, miss my bed, my room and everything. hahaha. I took my clothes to change at the office after work and everyone was like 'WA today going out with girlfriend huh' In my heart i said how i wish i had one, but then i answered them ya. haha. Cause it's my gay's birthday what. hahaha. Went to meet them at orchard and went for dinner at Heeren, the place where is used to be Machie. Anyway the system is the same just that they changed the name and the management. haha. Don't know why i just keep eating and didn't care about the prices. Maybe because this month my phone bill is only $30. haha. i can't believe it myself too. I spent $40 for my own dinner. How cool la. haha. 11 of us went there, and after dinner i suggested KBOX, i missed K-ing. And everyone agreed and we went to marina outlet. Took a bus there and talk cock along the way. Then Ah bird had to go back to camp so the rest of us wait taxi with him before our 'CONCERT' start. hahaha. We booked a room with the pool table because the DAMN girl told us it would cost us $28 net, and i doubted and comfirmed with her and still the answer was $28 net. No +++, just $28 net. But when the bill came, each of us have to pay $36, Zheng Yi and i were shocked. Immediatly off i asked to see talk to manager. He came and sounded quite resonable, however inside my heart was in 'for F*** the girl told us is $28 net' but don't know why i didn't ask him and just agreed to pay. Nevertheless (did i spell it right), we enjoyed ourselves, Jun Kai, after a few rounds of pool never stop singing or i should say ' mastering his evil laugh and shouting' = x hahaha. Wint Aung sang more than 5 songs haha. Fat joe still sings like Zhang Xin Zhe. Alex sang, and he completed the song with us and everyone was like 'Wa you end the song leh' and keeping shouting " ALEX ALEX ALEX' like his concert like that. haha. I, keep singing through out lo, sometimes repeat the songs. haha. We sang from 10pm-4am. the next thing you know, some of us already can't talk properly. haha. i took a cab home and reached home about 4.30am.

I woke up at 730, showered and off i went to work. haha. So damn tired, on my way to work had a bad headach. I can't think properly during work but still manage to finished some files and lodged 2 companies tax. Then about 2pm, Phyo and Winnie came and we went to Bugis for movie. haha. Phyo drive, Winnie sat quietly beside and I keep irritate the both of them. Because I have to keep myself awake and not to fall asleep. hehe. Almost met an accident because we made a U-turn when we can't, almost hit a trishaw. haha. The trishaw was at fault too, cause he cycle then the man was RED.! Walked to Raffle Hotel cause phyo wanted to buy something from LV. Oki i don't how to spell but the service they give, it's so damn good la. Everything there was so expensive but it's worth investing like all girls will tell me. One day, i'll get something from there for my another half. kekeke. Watched 'John Tucker must die' and Bugis movie flashes lots of memories. Remembered the day i watched 'Just my Luck' on our 1st offical date. Yup, just my luck for losing you, but i'll not going to give up that easily. = ) After movie, we went for steamboat buffet. I stopped eating not because i was full or the food was bad, it was because i'm tired, so tired to even drink the water. haha. Went home by taking the MRT because Phyo stay at Tama Jurong and Winnie at Jurong Point, way off when phyo offered to send me back. After i showered, BANG, off i went to bed.

That's why today i was sleeping the whole. AND I FAIL MY PRA 4.2 again not because of the courses but because i followed this guy blindly. How can i be so no confidence with myself, if i didn't follow him, i might pass today. Hai. Widow ar Widow, when can i ride on you????

Take care guys..! i missed you especially today!!! = )

Song uploaded

2006-09-20T21:52:00.000+08:00

Finally got song le.. hehehe. xie xie ni XIONG!!!! haha..

Nice song.......

Meant alot to me, the time during my brother's 21st birthday and so many other thing....

Can only listen like normal song le.....

-= Gen Wo Ni De Ai =-

can that happen again? asking not thinking..

why?

2006-09-19T00:30:00.000+08:00

I've got a question to ask now...

Why do people always say ' find someone who love you more than you love him/her.' Then why do people will take the one who love them more for granted? I mean we humans always take things for regranted right? Then why in a relationship, if you love the person more, things wouldn't turn out the way u want it to be? But whoever 'acts tougher' in the relationship, usually the tougher one will get to 'control' the relationship. How should i rephrase it?

Whoever is dao in the relationship, the one kanna dao will love the other more and the dao one dao all the way. haha. Understand???? hahaha..

Anyway maybe that's not the case, it's just a question that suddenly came to me.

Anyway, whoever is reading this, in a relationship, don't be like the bastard here. Only use mouth is not enough, action always speaks louder than words. Girls like action more than words. It's so easy to say but difficult to do. So guys, now we all know why girls like mature guys. Because they know the meaning of this sentence and their actions is always louder than words. I can say alot, but now, i don have the ability to do what i say. Always cherish the one u loved. I'm still learning how, never been a good player in relationship. I love you, but there's nothing i can do. All i can do is to let you go and have a happy life right? = )

Why?

2006-09-19T00:26:00.000+08:00

My family

2006-09-17T21:29:00.000+08:00

No matter how angry i am, how angry i am with my family, i just can't pass my emoitional stage. Like my grandma and mother, i get soft hearted easily. I still care for my family alot, i still love my family alot. The things my dad and brother did sometimes may be disappointing, but no matter, they are will still be the one i love.

When i stop thinking, i really felt better.

Never will i cry or be sad when i lose you, I'll be happy from now cause you were with me in my life journey once.

If we were meant to be, we are meant to be.

You already know how many i care, no matter how every night forward you messages, it will soon irritate you. What for right? knowing that you are happy with what you have now, happy with what you are doig now, I'm already please. No point be sad, no point keep asking you out, no point keep thinking too.

God will show the way, Time will prove everything.......... Amen = )

Finally

2006-09-17T14:42:00.000+08:00

Results out friday, guess what, i pass all.

TAX 2 - B+
CSP - B
AFA - B
CLAW - C
AUDIT 2 - D+

well, i dare i was worried for my claw and audit. but all can see that i passed, and i'm more than happy. i didn't set any target this time, although i always want to have GPA of 3. haha. But for AFA and TAX i thought i could score higher. But i give thanks..

Went out with Abbey, Nat, Alex, Wei Jin and one of Wei Jin's friend after work on friday. Because i've got nothing to do and basically to 'celebrate' my passed results. The whole day was pleasing because most of my friends from A23 and A03 all pass their modules too. Scare the whole lot of us when Claw stun us with those unexpected questions. Worries over, now atachment. Should i be happy about? I don't, if it is not LAU CHIN HUAT maybe i will. = x hahaha. Anyway 5 months is nothing compared to 3 years in poly life. It was like yesterday, first camp, orientation camp, new faces, new knowledge and so many more.

I've been recalling about my poly life, and i realise i'm always in saddness. Every final exams, it's always BGR problem. 1st 3 sem exams was kept thinking of Clara, then year 2 sem 2 exam was Wan Yun, lastly year 3 sem 1 was Deseree. i'm such a loser. Wei Jin always say i like to tell people how 'ke lian' i am. But guys i hate people who pity me, i tell you all what's happening is because i so tired of keeping it in my heart anymore, i rather let things out than to hide them. The happiest time in poly is get to know alots and alots of people, my classmates and camp friends. i missed the company. And when i don't think about relationship, i realise i really enjoy my life and i'm really happy. No stress, no problem, no saddness and no nothing.

Yesterday after work i went out with my godmother, went for lunch and get the things she wants. After that we parted and i was all alone in orchard. At first i felt lonely, called my 'gays' and all of them are busy, called nat and B but they have their programme too. I also called her but went i see her number, i didn't dial because i know the response. So i walked around orchard and it's so fun and happening, luckily i wasn't with anyone because i don't have to worry if the things i'm seeing is boring worry about this and that. Then i realise i'm single again. Walked around orchard and finally i went to find my grandma in the end. Watch a 'nice show' and went home. Well it feels good but always wish that you were here with me.

Now, i need to struggle with studies, all i have to do is to finished my attachment, finished my NS and off i go to Australia for my studies. Seriously i don't want to stay here anymore, i can't take it, my family problems suck and my poor mother is suffering. How i wish i can just bring her away from this house. If i can't let such a small things go, how can i let go if i go oversea and study. I'm not strong went comes to emotional things, family and especially relationship. Because if i have a family, i wouldn't let the same things to happen.

Just pray hard for my to be strong and overcome everything guys.... thanks!!!

Another day done

2006-09-13T00:24:00.000+08:00

After so long, today is like the lastest time i'm going to bed after attachment starts. Well eveyone is not online is they used to be, maybe is because everyday we are staring at the computer that's why.

Sometimes, it's better not to talk about it and really it helps. But it's painful to go through. You keep thinking and not happens. You can't stop thinking and i really don't know how to control my thoughts. Well, time may do the work, i also not sure. No one can answer me, all the answers i want wasn't really given by me. Sometimes i wish she would just tell me straight saying she have no feelings for me anymore, or even i don't like you anymore. Like that i will feel better so much 'better' as in i wouldn't always give myself false hope telling myself there's always hope in us. It's true i listened to so many opinions and really they affect me, but i always still do the things i want but always felt stupid when i recalled all that had been said to me, then i'll stop. Maybe if i've my own firm stand, things would turn out this way.

I hope to talk to you, talk means really sit down and talk, if there's nothing to talk about, it's obvious, we will be only friends but i'll still care and love you. But now, you are giving me that feeling that we are only friends, but from what i heard is so different. that's why till now, i'm still holding on so tightly.

Anyway, like i say, time right, let tell prove everything. Actually along i already plan not to contact her during our attachment, but 1 key person said something to me which really affects me and change my thinking. I also don't know what i'm talking about le. The point is, meet me 1 day and have a 'good talk' with me. I really want to know how you feel.

Ended

2006-09-10T23:27:00.000+08:00

I don't who to ask, who to tell, who to listen.....

i asked myself and i made up my mind i want her back, but always got beaten down. I always knew the feelings is over, but i always tired so hard to convince myself it is not.

But her action show everything.! Am i thinking alot, I don't know. I'm guessing everyday, I'm so impatiention. Even the blind, the deaft can tell that she's avoiding me. I can feel it too. I don't want to accept the truth, but why am i making myself so tired and upset.

I know i missed her, I know alot of things, but now i always question myself am i knowing and guessing all right? Am i really going to give you up?

Guess what, I'll not talk about her from now on because i also don't want to disturb her life. I just want to live a relationship free life now. I love her and i know what i said to her and friends will come true. I'm tired, tired of giving all my feelings, tired of heart breaks, tired of losing the one I love, tired of missing and thinking, and tiring of guessing.

Since everyone is saying give one another time, fine i'll give all the time in the world......
To tell people I love Deseree, i say not tired but the people who are listening will feel tired. Translate in chinese. Ya i love you still deseree, missing so badly as well........

Time, you, everything, i give up, i don't like this feeling, i feel like a mad person, a dumb person.

i want to e happy again, i want no one to worry for me, i want to keep myself busy....... I will let time and GOD decide. Since everyone says time time time will prove everything. SO BE IT....!

Timing set

2006-09-10T11:12:00.000+08:00

Damn, i so used to wake up at 6 plus 7 le. i couldn't sleep after the time. Shit i'm so tired yet i can't sleep. haha. Maybe i should go for a run. Hai, every night almost had the same dream. i can dream of nothing but tax. DAMN i think i really have to read up my tax notes le. Hai, basic all there but all got mixed up. hahaha. Well people, you guys have to wish me luck man. haha. Result will be out in like 4 more days.. So pray hard and all the best people of A23 and A03..!!! = )

Family dinner

2006-09-09T23:34:00.000+08:00

Finally, 1st week of attachment had past. This means hell for me, because Jun Wei is not staying, and i'm all alone wifth Chin Tai (my ATP supervisor). Hai, since attachment started, i'm so filled with saddness, i don't why but i just felt sad at time. I meant after work, during my sleep, when i wake up. I missed her so badly lately. Why can't i just have my busy busy holiday again? Without making myself busy i'll keep thinking of her, think till i want to go mad. I missed her alot!

I talked to her on msn, msg her and everytime is like friends. I'm so bad at timing, everytime i ask her out, she sure got some reason for not turning up. Or i just think too much. I don't, can anyone tell me? I know i said mean things to her but i already apologise for my immature way. Hai. This feeling just doesn't feel good at all. But well, now all i ask is to know whether are you oki with things in life.

Well but today my family made me happy. All my aunties and uncles came over and had dinner. I missed all my aunties la, miss the time we usually joke around. But i'm kinda mad with my uncle, my grandma put in so much effort just to prepare tonight's dinner. At the start of the dinner, he like shouted at my grandma to ask her stop asking people to sit and eat, then he complained saying thought is a simple meal, why cook this and that. The moment he came he ask my grandma whether she got cook vegetable anot. My grandma DAMN GOOD la, she cooked the dishes all is my aunties and uncles favourite. Why just he can't appreciate what grandma's hard work and just say 'thanks ma ma'. Jun Kai's grandma just past away and i just return from the funeral, then i ask myself, what if my grandma also past away. I'll break down for sure cause i LOVED my grandma so much. I never fails to tell her i love her, and thank her for everything she done for me. I hope there wouldn't be a day i'll shout at my uncle saying 'WHEN SHE ALIVE DID YOU NOT TOOK HER FOR GRANTED'

I also always tell my mom i love her. Because no one will know what will happen tomorrow right. Now know why i always want to call her and tell her how much i care. Because i already regretted losing her, i don't want to regret not telling her how much i actually care for her. If you are reading this, why make yourself so busy? Why don't you just share your burden with me, that i am most willing to go through with you? Is it so hard to be with me, do you still have feelings for me? Can i once again hold your hands, hug you, kiss you and love you like what we to do? Is it so hard to just throw all your burden onto me and let me be your resting point? I know we've been quarrelling, but you know that day we broke off i already told you i'll not keep quarrelling with you cause both of us are tired. i really want to end our quarrels, and learnt to communicate with one another properly. Is that so hard for you to do with me? Am i that scary to you? So many things to ask, but there always no answer. When will you be willing to cover my mouth again when i yawn? I missed your laughter, your smiles, your voice, your warmth, your eyes and your smell. I miss you!

I keep talking about you, thinking of you because i'm so scare i'll forget about you. i don't want that to happen. I don't want to forget you. You are always remembered. = ) hearing that you are working like mad and busy meeting so many people, kind of worry for your health, hope you are taking good care of yourself. I don't why but i keep sensing that something had happened to you. Hope you are not keeping it to yourself....

busy day

2006-09-07T22:03:00.000+08:00

Today was rushing and rushing for tax. So many to ask, so many to remember, so many to do. haha. Well, but look at the bright side, my time passed really fast. But tiring to my eyes. I don't why this week seems aimless to me. Everyday wake up in the morning go to work and just seems so fixed. I wanted to do alot of things, things for myself and doing things that will make myself happy.

Well i did something today, actually i'm happy now. I don't why but this is how i'm feeling now. hahaha. Yesterday i did blog, but wasn't lucky to post it on time because my uncle off the connection. So sad, i blog so may yesterday. haha. Shall keep it short today, my eyes had been staring at the computer screen for like 8 hours. DAMN TIRED!! hahaha.

Good long busy day

2006-09-05T22:15:00.000+08:00

Today was my second day of attachment. Had a busy morning that's why the time really fast. finished almost everything that was assigned to me. haha. I was quite happy though to finishing so fast. haha but of cause with the help of Jun Wei. Thanks!!

Went out for lunch opposite Queensway MRT there. haha. To think back, i'm so fated to Queensway. haha. i used to take train to Queensway when i'm working at Ikea. Today i realise something about myself, about 2pm everyday, i tent to sleepy, it's my 'sleeping time'. haha. Today same thing happened. i keep falling asleep la. Got so irritated that i used my head to bang the table, Jun Wei thought i crazy. haha. After that did some amendments for the work i did in the morning. After i finished, i learnt to call IRAS to check whether the FORM C was receive by IRAS. haha. Was easy but i have alot to call. haha. i spent almost 2 hours on the phone today.

Knock off about 6.45pm with Abbey and we went to Ikea for dinner. Actually wanted to call Nat along but she damn dao, never pick up my phone. haha. After dinner, i accompanied Abbey to Emily's house to return her shoe Abbey borrowed on friday. Then i head home and i was so tired after i reach home la. Sista so sorry, is not i don't want to talk to you, but i'm just tired.

Why do i still care for her is because i still have a very strong for her. I missed her so much.! Missed till i afraid that i might do stupid things again to scare her away. i missed you alot do you know that? Anyway, take care.....

Guys do u all know, i'm like earning about $1 - $2 per hour only. haha. So poor thing right, for Shi Li, Abbey and me. hahaha. Poor us......

First day of attachment

2006-09-04T23:24:00.000+08:00

Well today was my first day of attachment. Went out early because it's not nice to be late on first day of work. Abbey and Shi Li wore like what they usually wear but for me, i have to have formal. Felt so weird to wear formal la. I'm like always wearing sporty type of cloths then today whole day wear formal. haha. think i have to get use to it then can survive for my attachment.

Start off work with the help from Jun Wei. He will be teaching me and passing down all his work to me. Jun Wei taught me alot and i think he somehow OVER do it. there was once when he was telling me something i fell asleep. So sorry, you know i didn't mean it. Because i'm so not use in sitting down for hours staring at the computer. i keep wanting to move around to make myself awake. Went out for lunch with Vinda, Jun Wei, Shi Li and Abbey. Then Vinda and Jun Wei talked about their experience working in LCH. And lunch time past so fast la. i don't believe you know. A bowl of noodles, walking distance is equal to 1 hour of my lunch time. haha. When back to office and worked and time thicks off so slowly. hai.. i need to change my mind set about work. haha. so that instead of complaining i can enjoy working. haha.

Then work and work finally it was time to go. 6 o'clock i thought was ok to leave the office and go for training, but Chin Tai (my supervisor) was shock that i was leaving and he asked me whether i ok anot. Of cause i have to say ok, then he said he will test me tomorrow. - _ - "
i shouldn't say anything la. haha. Then Mr Yeo (LCH's partner) came and ask me where i was going. i told him i was going training. He asked again every monday? i said every monday and wednesday, then he look shocked and said this is bad, i think the rest of the days you better stay back. I was like what the, what else can i say but ok. They don't expect us to leave early, but to be honest, i did learn alot of things.

Went training and realise everyone already finished because they started early. However, still i went to self train and i saw Jun Sheng. Dennis went too and we talked about how bad is our first day of attachment. hahaha. First day is always like that right, when tomorrow will be a better day for me. I need to go rest le, i'm damn tired.......

How was your work today? I hope it went well for you. Remember don't let people bully you and do take great care of yourself. -=missed=-

Starting tml

2006-09-03T23:14:00.000+08:00

OMG!!!! lol.. Soon I'll be waking up, wearing formal to work. I hope the people there will be nice. I hope i can mix well there.

Sista, remember what you hor, meet every 2 weeks for dinner. Remember to ask the rest to come also oki. haha. Since it's your idea. haha. Anyway all the best to everyone going attachment tomorrow. Hope you guys meet good people..!!! = )

Tired tired tired me............................................... ZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

so many gone

2006-09-03T16:06:00.000+08:00

Finally i got to rest well. It's been so busy this holiday. Maybe is because i made it busy. haha. Well seriously, i very long very enjoy making myself this busy le. It's really tired but well at least i can make myself sleep long for tonight. hehehe.

Chai Fong, Xiao Ting and Lester...

Please take great care of yourself when all of you are doing your attachment.

Friday went my attachment company because LCH wanted to see the 3 of us, me, Shi Li and Abbey. I will not go into detail what we did because i will end up bitching about it. = x hahaha. We were given assignment to do already la and monday we have to start work. haha. After that we to eat and i meet emily to pass her some stuff. Then off we go heading to Changi Airport to send Chai Fong off for her attachment at budget terminal, haha damn cool la. Because it's really budget. We'll be missing you girl. Do enjoy yourself and take great care of yourself. Keat Yi will miss you so much de, so if can faster come back.. = ) When we leave Keat Yi cried and i almost too, don't why nowadays i very emotional, abit abit I'll also feel like crying. After that, Nat and I waited for Alex at CityHall control station. They asked me to join them but i reject them cause i just don wanna be so bright. at the same time, i need to be alone to think about somethings. Went to starbuds, ordered a drink, sat down and i started thinking many things. Things about Deseree and me. Now you all know why i make myself so busy. hehe. To keep myself occupied so that i wouldn't do stupid thing anymore. But still, i did alots of thinking and ya, if can i really hope to be with her again. Then off i went for work, and Jun Kai and IZ came to find me. When i was about to knock off, Alex came too. 4 Big boys went to ceni to watch 'CLICK' for the 2nd time at 1.40am. haha. Got no choice because Jun Kai was feeling down so have to pei him go. I keep falling asleep in the movie because i was too tired le. haha. After the show, took a cab home, reached about 4 and i sleep immeditaly. haha.

I woke up at 6 plus cause i have to rush to east coast for the new balance aquqthlon event as a sea marshal. Hai got burned so badly. now my lips hurts, my face and my arms. I partnered with Chin Chong and both of us fell asleep in the boat. I leak of sleep and under the HOT sun, wa tell you the feeling damn suck. Finally the last event ended and i quickly rush to shower cause i still have work at beacon. I managed to reach early and i fell asleep outside the berverage store. haha. So funny la, so many small kids thought what happen to me, why i sleep there. haha. Start work abt 5 and at first Razali say open at 630pm, who know i act smart ask him open early. Alot of people came la. Then end up i cock the system up, kanna scolded by him for awhile then oki le. Maybe i was too tired and my mind was occupied by what emily told me. Work work work until 11pm then knock off. Really really tired, didn't went bed after i showered because i still got the assignment to download. Took me awhile to download and i couldn't control my eyes and i went to sleep. haha. Well i manage to get up and went for church and my bike pra. Hai, why i so suck at bike. when i practising, i'm so good la, but when the instructor say 'oki show me how you do' i always fail to perform well. Fail again for pra 4.2 going back on friday night. Jia You. Tomorrow is the start of my attachment. All the best for me, B and Shi Li ba.. hahaha..

All the best for nat and the rest of A23 and A03. Hope you guys we will do well. But remember to meet up so can bitch around about our work oki. hahaha..

Hope everything will be oki for you, i apologise for not being understanding and the way i'm treating you. Especially on saturday. emily told me about it. Now that i know you are fine, i'm really happy and relieve. Hope things turn out well for your attachment. Don't go think about so many things le just Jia You ba..!!

dreamt about you

2006-08-31T15:09:00.000+08:00

Acutally now i'm rushing off to work, but suddenly just felt like blogging. Last night i dreamt about you. I couldn't see you in my dreamt but we were talking on msn. How funny can it be right. I dreamt that we patched things up and you are willing to give the relationship one more try. I got so happy i woke up. hahaha..

Anyway, i just don't understand myself. I wanted to some many things for you to win you back but just that everytime I'll end up not doing. Because after planning and thinking of what i will do for you, I question myself, will you really come back if i really did all that i have planned? I always lose my confident especially in a relationship. I need time to recover, I need time to change my everything so that I can have the confidents back to win you back. I missed you alot! I really do, each day I wonder what are you doing, are you safe and so on.

I got to rush off le. it's rainning heavily now, and shit my bike instructors. They kept saying my figure 8 is lousy, Next pra I sure ride fast de. Today rainning so i scare. hahaha.. well wish me luck people. = )

finally i started again

2006-08-30T22:23:00.000+08:00

Finally i started blogging again. it's been more than 15 weeks since i last blogged. In this 15 weeeks alot had happened. i fell deeply in love with someone and i got hurt badly again. Her name is Deseree Sim Qing Ru. A cheerful, caring, fun and cute person to be with.

it all started,

After my 3rd relationship ended, and after i tried getting clara back (but realise she had changed so much), i told myself not to get involve in anymore relationship. Because i seriously could not take the pain anymore. i admit i'm a weak guy in relationship. i'm always the one who can't let things go. i made myself busy again and awaits my new sem to start. Finally that day came and came to realise i was in the corporate secretarial module instead of my international business. and worst is i was the only guy in the class. 1st day of tutorial, there came this came looking blur and all, and when she talked, she sound like a cute little girl. Gave me quite a impression. Her name Deseree......

Is it fate that brought us together? Is it fate showed me to her and made me enter into the class because of her???

We worked together in a group for most of the projects. We studied together for our common tests. We joke and all. At first i told myself i must not fall for her although i had a crash on her. I kept reminding myself that, but everytime when i'm with her, i observed her and i eventually fall for her. She was everything i asked for, then after our common tests i finally express my feelings for her. And she did say she felt something for me. Things started for us then on. Had many wonderful times for our first 2 weeks. Then many misunderstanding came and go and that's where we started quarrelling. break and patch for many times because of my stupid reasons and things i done. She finally can't take it and requested a break up and said will talked about it after exams. During my study break i went crazy because i lost her, i lost her mind, i lost everything, i repeated my mistakes in the past then came to regret again. Well we became 'friends' during the exams period. Finally exams finished, and i waited for her to message me to talked things out. I messaged her in the end and she said we were only friends. My heart was broke once again, this time i don't know why it was worst.

She made me believe in fairytales again. She made me fall for her so deeply, she made me hers. Imagine a heart finally just recovered from the pain, from the past was once again broken. I really don't how now. The pain is 10 times deeper this time. I missed her. I never hear from her since saturday. It's like 4 days le.

I said many cruel things to her and i always think for myself. i guess i still haven't grow up from the past. I'm still immature, i need to learn alot of things, especially in relationship. Now is my attachment period. That means I'll not see her for 6 months. I told her i can never be friends with her because i will fall for her everytime i see her or talked to her. But i was so immature to say all those things. This time i swear i'll learn hard and start anew. I will not turn back and look, i will not live in the past anymore, i want to move on as a new person. If can i want to go after you all over again. I may sound contradicting but i don't know how to express myself. Or in simple, I'll still want to be with her but hope by when the time comes, i will become more mature or grown up. I really find it hard to let her go. maybe time will washed everything away maybe we might never be together, but i will never give up on her till the day really comes. And when that comes i'll know.

Now all i want is to start anew and work harder. I want to go University I want to go NIE, i got so many wants now. My life has changed since Sunday till now. i met many people and saw alot of things. i hope i can do what i have promised myself. i will be very strong this time. But forgive me for missing you at times.